I am quite frustrated right now about a number of things.
I am going to be extremely busy next semester, and my Dad keeps pushing to find someone to date. Yes, okay, so what, I've had love before, and okay, that's great my sister is going to get married, but I don't have time for that. I don't want that right now; the stress of being tied down to someone when I barely have any time for them. It was different when I was at FLCC. I didn't have an internship, a job, and I wasn't in my senior year at a high-ranked college. Also, my Dad is going to find me and my friend a place to live for next semester apparently. I don't know why but I don't believe him. He's finally home after a month of not being home, and he's all "So I hear there's guys interested in you." I don't know why he even cares since he usaully hates all the guys I date. God, typing this is making me want to cry with tears of anger and frustration. It also doesn't help that, o shit, I'm the only single girl in my family. Wow, I just realized that. Yay for being a failure!
Of course I like people, but know that nothing will happen right now due to me being so busy. Here's an excerpt from a rant I wrote back in October::
"Why are you people so closed-minded? Why do my gay friends have to live in fear? Why do my transgender friends have to live in fear? Because it’s against what some people think is “right”, is “normal.” Why do they think that? Because our fucking COUNTRY is based upon Christian morals and ideas. We try so hard to separate church and state when it’s with us all the time. It haunts us everyday. When we hand the cashier a 10-dollar bill it says, “In God We Trust.” Trust in God? Why would I do that when I don’t even know if the fucker is real? Why do we females have to stay silent? Stay at home, do the fucking dishes, cook, and take care of kids? Why must we get married? Why do we have to have kids? Because if you don’t do these things you’re seen as a failure. Oh, and now, if you don’t have a degree higher then a bachelor’s you’re looked down on that too. So, okay, let me get this straight. We’re supposed to graduate from high school, go to college because it’s the right thing to do, get a 4-year degree in something, find a husband throughout all that, get married, have kids and get a career going in-between all that? Yeah, sounds like a fucking blast. It isn’t fun. College is stressful. I’m in my senior year right now, being 2*-years-old, and I have to admit, the only reason why I wanted to get married was because my parents got married young, and so did his. We thought it was the right thing to do."
It's just very frustrating when everyday I see and hear this shit as to how I should date someone. "At least someone!" NO. Fuck off and kindly die thank you. I'll do it when the time is right. Maybe my Dad thinks I'm going to be alone this his Mom was. HA no. Just give me some goddamn time to figure shit out. And by shit I mean not be so busy that I barely have time to sleep, okay?
On the a lighter note, it's Christmas Eve. I'm not all "bahumbug," I actually enjoy this time of year, minus working in retail, the whole holiday thing and the snow. It's mostly because our family gets together. I never see my family, and with my Mom and Dad moving out of state this is our last "End of the year" with them. Eh. that sounds stupid, I guess I'll just say "Holiday Season." Whatever. I doubt next year I'm going to have enough money to go anywhere. I barely have any right now. We'll see I guess.
Also, it gives me an excuse to get drunk around my family, since my family is getting drunk as well. Love it love it love it.
Well, I'm gonna get going, I've ranted enough for the day.
Happy Holidays, or whatever.
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1 comment:
You're not a failure, Whitney... In fact, I think you're making a very responsible choice to pursue your educational and career goals, rather than worry about dating. Sorry if I complicated things with the flowers. :-(
I've been down that path before, many times... I've fallen in and out of love, and even managed to be married for a short time. And there were times that the pursuit of that got in the way of what I knew I really wanted (and needed) to do. In the end, I got married because I thought I should have, not because I really wanted to be married... It was out of a misguided sense of responsibility, both to my ex and to my family.
And, of course, whenever I make reference to the fact that I'm probably not going to have kids, my parents get upset. Which I can understand- they love grandkids. But they already have 2 by my sisters, and will probably have more before the day is done. I don't feel an overriding need to have more.
Its a stark contrast to what our parents did, like you said. The world is a very different place now, than when they were our age. A woman can't expect to be taken care of, and be a quiet little housewife. Everyone needs to be able to provide for ourselves, regardless of gender or marital status.
I think your Dad just worrys about you, but it comes from his own incomplete picture of how the world is today. In his generation, people used to think there was something wrong with a beautiful woman (such as yourself) who made a conscious choice to not get hitched right away. The flaw in that thinking is the fact that you have dreams that don't involve minivans, soccer practice, and daytime soap-operas.
Never settle, Whitney. You're an amazing woman, living her life the way she wants to. Its one of your greatest assets, and will take you places you can't even imagine.
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