In the words of Whitney K...

"I don't consider myself an American. Just because I live here doesn't mean I belong. My family comes from Europe, and I long to return there. My opportunity to attend Grad School in the UK is starting to grow, and I plan on taking that opportunity with open arms."

To add on, I honestly have never felt like I belonged in this country. I've always dreamt how my grandmother and my mom must have been when they were in Europe. I see pictures, I hear stories, and I long to experience it for myself. I will if I get the chance, believe me.

Let me tell you something realll quick. I'm under a lot of stress in school, okay? I have projects, final papers, hours for interning, and exams due and I only have a month left to do all of them. Damn, I feel screwed already. Where did this semester go? It seems just yesturday that it was February, but no, it's the end of March. If I were graduating this semester and not in the fall, yeah, I'd be flipping out like a lot of my friends are doing.

Also, I'd like to state that no one owns me, okay? Can we just get that CLEAR? I believe strongly in women's rights. I'm not sorry for believeing in it, and when a guy says, "Yeah, you'll do what I say cause I own you," then no, that's a huge red flag. Sorry to say it, but that's just how it is. Maybe the whole "I do the Vagina Monologues" thing didn't tick you off with that idea, but I'm telling it to you in writing. No one owns me, so get used to it. If you can't, then you can leave. Simple as that.

And I honestly forgot about this... and I left it open all night... but we're good.

OH! Yeah and people who think that "o hey, I miss you soo much Whitney, let's hang out soon" when you were such a bitch to me (like demanding time to see me and not understanding that I'm busy as hell) and took me off your friends list on fb... you THINK you can come back to me that easily? No. No, you can't. You people don't understand how busy I am. I'm not going to drop everything and hang out with you, especially when you were such a bitch to me. I love it how you people think.

But hey, I have better things to do then bitch about stupid shit. I have an internship that is pretty much offering me a part-time job that I might take. I am just about to go there for 10 hours as I type this. I'm starting to think of my philosophy presentation that's due sometime in early April and I'm beginning to understand what it's all about; what the author is trying to say about impurity. I got better things to do then bitch about crap, but sometimes it just feels great to bitch.

I Told Myself

I told myself I was going to try and not go online today; not even turn the computer on, but here I am typing after a day full of reading, getting coffee and contemplating whether I should go on the computer at all.
I'm not even on my own computer, I'm on my mothers.
I just got off of spring break. I didn't do anything special for spring break besides errands, shopping, a hint of partying and sleeping; lots of that.
After a late night food run with the boy last night, and some heavy talking in the car about our futures, it has accured to me that a lot of people think I am going to get the career I want. I was even told today that with the amount of drive I have I will successfully get it.
Other people think I will, I am nervous about it.
Maybe it's because I know that someday I will probably start a family, and the career I want might but that in danger, but I really want to help people and stop hate in this world. I tried nursing, I tried psychology, and none of that stuff appealed to me. English has and rhetoric has as well. Especially rhetoric. Words have such a high impact on every day life. How you choose to say words, type words, even define words has a great effect on people. Like the word effect, should it be affect or effect? What is the difference? That's where vocabulary comes in. If I were to say vocab instead of vocabulary how would you percieve me?
Rhetoric is an extremely powerful tool today in our society. If you know me, and I've probably said it before, but I want to get my masters in rhetoric and composition. Picking apart the logos, ethos and pathos of a desired text, for example the text of the "Letter from Birmingham City Jail" written by Martin Luther King Jr.; one could write a book about just that letter because it has been said that it is one of the most important documents of the civil rights movement. Read it sometime, it's worth it.
And then there's the people saying how Obama's January 20th speech was no good, when really if you look at it and pick it apart it's quite a good speech. When you hear someone speak, it has a different effect then reading what they're saying. Going to MLK's "I Have a Dream" speech, I read it at first, and was like "okay, so he repeats this and does this" but when I heard it, watched it, followed along with it, it became an extremely powerful speech.
I swear to god I had a point with this. Oh, yeah...
A lot of people think rhetoric is bad. It's not. Don't listen to what the news say about "there was some rhetoric in the white house today" when it happens every day. Not all rhetoric is bad. I mean hell it's happening right now, I'm telling my point about how rhetoric is useful and how I want to get into it as a career. It happens to us without us even knowing. And now I'm stopping :)
The composition part would deal with how things are structured; how rhetoric is successfully structured in a speech, in a paper, what have you.
It hit me today, again, that I am graduating this year. I have my associates and soon I will have my bachelors. Damn. The closer graduation gets, the more it hits me. Maybe I'll actually cry at this graduation. I did not cry at my high school or 2-year graduation because I was excited to move on. Even though I am excited for what the future holds, it's just the real world is coming up fast.
It is a beautiful day out in upstate. School starts up tomorrow, and this has been a fabulous break from my work. The work will get harder though as the semester draws nearer. Final exams, papers, projects will soon take over my life and my very relaxing week, which I have taken for granted, I will long for. Days of just waking up and lounging in bed for an hour, cuddling, will be gone. Alarm clocks will rule my life, whether waking up or just napping. My diet will be out of whack, living on espresso shots and sugar, and I will long for being able to sit down and write what I want, not what other people want me to.
Ah college life, how I'm going to miss you.

Kay.

Bleeker: Hi. Hey, did you like put a 100 things of tic-tacs in my mailbox?
Juno: Oh, yea, that was me.
Bleeker: Heh, why?
Juno: Well, you know their your fav, and you know you can never have too many of your favorite 1 calorie breath mints.
Bleeker: Well thanks I think I’m pretty much set until college on the tic-tac front.
Juno: You know Bleek, I was thinking, and I’m sorry I was such a huge bitch to you. You don’t deserve it.
Bleeker: That’s okay, you know, that’s okay.
Juno: And also, um… I think I’m in love with you.
Bleeker: You mean as friends?
Juno: No, I mean for real. Cause you’re like the coolest person I’ve ever met and you don’t even have to try.
Bleeker: I try really hard actually.

I always seem to get in trouble. I'm about to again.

I'm writing another paper on cannibalism, this time on how it's a race issue. Sounds fabulous.

I graduate in a December.

I have yet to apply to graduate schools, but shortly I'll start. Rhetoric and Composition is looking like a prime choice, along with Publishing and Editing. I'm looking into Emerson, Northeastern, Mich St, Penn St, and NYU.

I still hafta take that damn test. I really don't want to. Really, really don't want to.

I should post some of my writings I've been writing for my poetry class. I think they're good, but that doesn't mean other people think they are. I've been experimenting with different styles such as sestinas and and pantoums. I usaully write prose but the styles are always fun. You probably don't think so though.

I haven't really written anything freely this semester so far, and it's half way over. Maybe it's because I've been so stressed out with school and trying to get the massive amounts of reading/writing/studying done.

Life is okay though. My mother and I are aight. (God, did I just say aight?) I'm still nervous about my sister, her boyfriend and my nephew moving in. Hopefully she'll be more flexible then my Mother. I think I've said this before, but I really don't want her to be like my Mom. She's my effing sister, not my Mom.

I'm a little sore right now, but in all the right places.

Sundays have seemed to become my day of rest. After a heavy night of drinking, Sundays are a sort of relief; a day to catch our breath and prepare us for the week ahead. Every Sunday I seem to take a huge gasp of air and dive right into the week. Spring break is next week. I cannot wait. Even though I'm not going anywhere I plan on sleeping, a lot.

Also, I don't need knee surgery which is a good thing. Just lots of rest. Seeing the doc on Wednesday to decide what the hell is going on in the knee area.

Oh, and I think my last post dealt with something coming? Well it did, and it's still throwing rocks at me. The constant thought of what I'm going to do after graduation, what my career is going to be, everything hit me. It's a constant struggle.

Oh well.

Back to homework...

Cause we belong together now yeah
Forever united here somehow yeah
You got a piece of me and honestly
My life would suck without you