And I Watched the World Change...

Today was the first day since Friday I saw her put her eyeliner on. Her crying has been so frequent it has been unnessecary for her to sleek that black pencil under her white eyes. Now that things have changed, she realized that things were not going back to the way they were. Change was in the air. It came just like the thunderstorms that pounded their way outside our window.

While my life was changing, hers was to. He had left her, because he got cold feet like so many other men I have met, loved, loathed, left. My world was changing because a certain boy was now in it, this boy that captivated my senses, made me walk on air. It's so weird to see how hers is falling apart while mine is building back up.

I look at her, sitting next to me, and I remember how weak she was when we were up till 4am talking. I know she will become stronger after this. She has to, she needs to.

I glance at my nephew, who is building a fort in the room opposite and I wonder how he will act when he hears the news that this "cockroach" as I call him is not coming back.

The "cockroach" is not here. I'm glad he's not. I really want to throw his stuff out of the house, break his PS3 because that seems to be his heart. Break it like he broke my sisters. The pieces of technology would lay on the floor like the blood from her heart pooling, filled with broken love, trust.

I'm cold. I feel like there is a wind of change galloping through our house. I feel it, my sister feels it. The windows are closed, the blinds are opened.

I watched the world change before my eyes. Opened, aware, focused. Things will get better, things will be fine. I get to play mother, aunt, sister. Guardian, caregiver, concierge, friend. Lover, stranger, better in the end, things will get better...

I am aware now of how everything's gonna be fine...

Killwhitneydead tonight. Vip passes. Sweet deal.

I am prepared now and I am fine again.