"Scratch card glory
Waist low pleasure
Black eyes, nose bleed
Don’t look back now
My white abode do you remember?
My white abode-
But it’s such a thrill just to find out
Sorry you’re not a winner
With the air so cold and a mind so bitter
What have you got to loose
But false intentions and a life so pretentious?"I was reading a book we sell in the book store at one of my jobs, and after I was done reading the poetry I had two things hit me. Actually three.
One, I love Sally Bittner Bonn. She's an amazing mother, wife, teacher.
Two, she had written to her mother how she had "helped her learned the theory of feminism early" or something like that, and I thought to myself "why the hell didn't my parents ever teach me that sort of crap?" I then realized that a lot of the stuff I've learned hasn't been from my parents telling me, but having me, myself, go through situations, reading what I've wanted to, and I've learned that way. In a way, discovering new things to one is quite satisfying, but I also like learning new things from people. Maybe that's why I like philosophy so much. I like taking other peoples views on things and thinking about why they beleive in what they believe in, and why I believe or not believe in what they believe in. We all do this. Like, no one told me to read Bertrand Russell. I wonder if I would have the same feeling and reaction to him if someone told me to read him.
I'm really tired, but I'm trying to make sense.
The third thing I realized is that I think I want to get back into Rhetoric and Composition. I was talking to a teacher at my second job and she said that "composition will give you your stars" and since I was thinking about getting into composition anyways... I think I'm gonna do it. I've been looking into Northeastern's program, because it looks quite promising. I just want to help people.I told myself I wasn't going to teach, but honestly I just can't see myself publishing. I want to talk to people about the books were analyzing, I want to change lives, I just want to go somewhere in life. I know I have the drive and ability to do so, I just need to make it happen. I don't want to be rich, I just want to be happy. I've found this
guy who makes me so happy, I just need a
career to match.
My parents were up this weekend. I didn't see them much, to the amount of working I was doing, but the time I did see them was nice. It's weird having them around after not seeing them for so much.
Ahh I have so much to fucking say but my eyes are so tired and they are jsut s c r e a m i n g at me to close them and sleep. My paychecks are sweet though. I guess that's all that matters. Assholes.
I always seem to get frustrated towards the end of typing these fucking things. See, I'm swearing more. I don't understand. Maybe it's because I'm listening to the Acacia Strain now, or maybe it's because I jsut get so overwhelmed about the amount of things to say. I had this awesome rant about religion the other day, but I didn't write it down.
My sister was watching previews for Jesus Camp, and I was talking to her about how fucked up religion is. She didn't say anything, just thought Jesus Camp was "kinda scary." I suggested she watch the documentary on hell houses. Those things are so FUCked uP. Oh, and hate groups. Don't even get me started on how fucked up those things are too.
You want world peace? Stop being a douchebag and accept that people are different from you. Okay, so you're a christian, a muslim, a fucking
whatever, that's cool, let's go get ice cream, talk about it sometime. I would love for a Witness to come to my door so I can talk to them about their religion. I want to sit down with one of my Latter-day Saints friends and talk to them as well. I would love to sit down with a Nazi, a Klan member, and talk to them. Not because I want to get into what they do, but to try and get a better understanding that they do what they do. Ask questions. We can't always assume, we need to know the truth for ourselves. Assuming gets us in trouble.
We assume there's an afterlife but no one knows. Fuck that, I'll worry about that mmm never. Why should we live our life for something totally fictional? Some people do it to get into this heaven, some people do it for morals, but why do we need a religion telling us what to do? Can't we think for ourselves? Question everything, know for a fact about things.
I was always told to do what I was told, but why? Why should I? Who are you to tell me what is right for me? I may know better then you and now a days, knowing my age and my experience with certain subjects I might.
It's 11:12pm Eastern time. I work in 11 hours. Just thought I'd tell that to myself.
The house is dark. Everyone is asleep. This combination is not a good one. It's a Saturday night. I'm home, exhausted, and not out at that party that's going on... I need to get some sleep. I can only keep functioning like this for so long.
I think too much. I'm starting to think that's a bad thing.
